Experiences of Change
In hindsight I can see that each decade of my life has been characterized by a larger theme. I do not mean to say that there have not been other themes, or that the only changes I've experienced had spans of decades involved. There does seem to be, however, a pattern of overall change in theme from one decade to the next. Typically there is a period of transition at the beginning and the formulation of a reason, purpose and plan that leads toward the next theme. When I was young, I was the prodigal. This transitioned to a time of being an actor. After that theme, I became the reclusive thinker and artist. My most recent transition has been toward the academic.
If I had been asked, a couple years ago, where I would be now, I could not have guessed that I would be in graduate school. I experienced a radical end to my professional life and my personal life and my social life. The work I had been doing was interrupted by the tech stock crash and my employer went bankrupt and there were no jobs available. My domestic partner and I separated, moved out of our shared place, and had a minor custody battle over the cats. My social network, which at the time was linked mostly the my domestic partner's family, became uncomfortable and difficult to maintain.
I entered a period of transition which led me to several introspective activities. I started to look for what things I had previously found joy in doing, and tried them again. I went back to the stage. I attended hockey games. I connected with old friends. I investigated what it would take to complete my Associates Degree. I also started doing long solo hikes, frequent mountain biking and yoga and attended several public rituals of spring and summer.
At one point, after having journeyed through my personal landscape, I had the experience of new growth. The director of my previous non-profit started new non-profit with some new grants to continue the good work that had laid fallow. I realized that I should go back to school, so I started to earnestly pursue a petition for my two year degree and search for an institution to continue my studies. I had started to form a reason, a purpose and a plan for going forward.
My reason was the motivation to surrender to the ending of what came before. My purpose was the vision of what to do next. My plan for how to make these happen was falling into place.